I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
