i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
