he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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