I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
