Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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