Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
