PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
