I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
