In the future we'll all be gay
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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