Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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