I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The adults are the big ones right?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
