The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
