Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
