At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
