Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
