Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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