Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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