I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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