That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need moral support for this bender
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
