I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
