I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
