Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
