Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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