the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
