i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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