wat bout pragnant strippers??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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