Your tits are I can't wait for
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
