Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
