I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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