My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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