My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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