I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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