Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
