Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
