bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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