i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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