erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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