So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
