I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
