I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
