your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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