I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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