maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
