"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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