So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
