I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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