As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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