We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
