Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
