I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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