How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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