I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
