I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
