So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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