the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
