Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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