Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
