I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just had sex on a roof
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
