I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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