i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
