I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My bed smells like the plague
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
