sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize