Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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