In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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