Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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