bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is wine microwaveable?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
