Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.

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(818): View more from California

She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?

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(770): View more from Georgia

He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

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(248): View more from Michigan

so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision

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(940): View more from Texas

Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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(806): View more from Texas

yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....

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(330): View more from Ohio

She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.

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