I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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