he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
