yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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