Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
