so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
