the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
