if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
