at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
