Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dicks are not precious.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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