I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
