apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
