apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
