it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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