if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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