Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
