I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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