**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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