Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
