Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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