so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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