addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
