i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
