make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Operation Purity has been aborted
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
