I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
