Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
