And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize