I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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