Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
