Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
